The Weekly Ringer

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper


3 min read

By KJ Adler

Being a single female on Valentine’s Day, one would think “Oh no, here comes the long, labored rant about why Valentine’s Day is stupid and the card companies are evil.”

But honestly I don’t really care one way or the other about this holiday. On the one hand I like the fact that we have a holiday where one can adorn a room with hearts for one day without being embarrassingly cheesy.

On the other hand, I think it’s a bit cruel to have a day completely dedicated to the happiness of couples, leaving the rest of the population to feel utterly rejected. But then again, this holiday should only get to you if you are really that uncomfortable being single.

A few weeks ago I eavesdropped on some people talking about their previous experiences in love, or lack thereof, complaining to each other about how hard it is to find a good soul-mate. The first girl talked about her faith and how it was through God and prayer that she finally acquired a boyfriend. The second person stated that he had yet to find “the one” and was unsure if it would ever happen. He thought that there were a few potentials but they proved to be inadequate.

While these two people were engaging in a perfectly normal sounding conversation, I couldn’t help but react to it with a bit of uneasiness. Why is it that people create this Holy Grail of a partner for themselves?

Before I go any further, I will admit that I fell under the same misconception of relationships. I thought that having a boyfriend was what would make me truly happy. Sure, they’re good to have around on cold and lonely nights, both physically and mentally, but what I didn’t take into consideration is the human factor.

We’re talking about other individuals, not the cure-all, end-all to one’s problems. Whoever it is you find will have flaws and those flaws will get on your nerves and there will be fights and make-ups and tender words. Being in a relationship will end some problems in one’s life but create new ones.

To search for the perfect mate as if they are a prize to be won is just odd to me. It’s as if people have the impression that they meet that person and BAM, they have a relationship and happiness and completion. That’s not how it usually works.

I’m no expert, but most successful couples I know will have met randomly, be acquaintances/friends for a while and then turn that into something more when it feels right and is at the right time for the two of them.

There is no seeing each other from across the room and immediately falling under the grip of love or a passionate one night stand that turns into something more afterwards.

So what I’m trying to get at for all of those searching for singles out there is to stop stressing. No need for prayer or for cries of desperation. Just go with the flow and see what happens. And if you feel that the moment is right, put yourself out there, if just for a little bit. The worst that can happen is that friends remain friends.

Even St. Valentine put himself out there. You saw that point coming, didn’t you?

According to one of the more popular legends, St. Valentine fell in love with one of the jailer’s daughters and wrote her a love note before he was executed. Martyrs, what can you do?

While romantic, there is a problem with this story: he never receives an answer from his beloved. So I say, go for it before it’s too late, singles. Be the anti-Valentine that you want to be and don’t do what he does; willingly put yourself under the axe and tell that person of interest (or at least allude to) your feelings for him/her before it is too late. And I promise that unlike our good friend St. Valentine, you will survive.