Having an opinion is one of the hardest things you can do. It requires way too much brainpower to be sustainable to the environment, and there’s no reward for having an opinion.
With all of these factors, it’s a wonder some people choose to have opinions. I think the norm should be people not having any opinions, and if you do have an opinion, you need to come out to your parents as being opinionated so that they can get you help. Maybe even some therapy to convert you back to being un-opinionated.
“I actually remember the first time I told my parents I had an opinion,” said Jo Good, life editor of The Weekly Ringer and a junior international business major. “I just remember it being such an emotional conversation because they had never really experienced a child having an opinion before. My mom was really supportive and I’m really glad that both of my parents have made the decision to let me help myself instead of giving me the professional help to get rid of my opinion.”
Opinions are the worst because they can create gridlock in certain situations. Look at the U.S. government, even. If nobody had any opinions, the government would function so smoothly. Imagine how fast Supreme Court justices could be nominated and confirmed, how many people would be released from jail due to marijuana-related crimes and how many fewer politicians we would see on TikTok.
But maybe it actually takes having an opinion to do any of that? No, there’s no way that could be possible.
Having an opinion also makes it so hard to be friends with literally everyone who populates the earth. It seems like people will polarize themselves against each other based on a silly little opinion, and we need to stop doing that and just get along with everybody. I couldn’t even fathom the idea of having an opinion that requires me to grow a spine.
“As my mother says, ‘never share your opinion because if you do you’ll never make any friends,’” said Weekly Ringer News Editor Josephine Johnson, a junior communication and digital studies major.
In my experience, people being opinionated really deters me from being friends with them because they don’t like things. I personally have to like everything because I hate having opinions, and I am proud to be an un-opinionated person. Sometimes my friends shame me for not having an opinion.
“You really need to have an opinion about whether Ted Bundy was a good person or not,” said Johnson.
I do not understand why people have to have opinions, and honestly, you just should not have any to make your life easier and support the sustainability movement.
In regard to how being opinionated is not sustainable for the environment, I have, with good evidence-based on no actual studies, the proof that shows how thinking about and formulating opinions actually plants ideas in your mind and therefore cannot plant other things outside of your mind like trees and flowers. In fact, your thinking is taking away the flowers in gardens, which has led to a decreased bee population. Yes, you heard that right, your thoughts are getting rid of the pollinators that run this world. No more Queen B due to your thinking, shame on you.
Also, if you have thoughts about how to improve the environment and perhaps decrease global warming, it means you’ve educated yourself and therefore have very strong opinions, which, as mentioned above, is actually bad for the environment. In this sense, it is counterintuitive and contradictory to having an opinion, therefore you should just stop having opinions.
In my experience, I have found that not having an opinion makes you weak-willed, and this is honestly the best way to be because it allows people to walk all over you. Since being rehabilitated for my opinion issues, I no longer have to go to the chiropractor because the amount of people who just trample me with their own opinions has been a comparable experience and I no longer have any tightness in my back. I also no longer have a spine, which has really helped with the back pain.
“I’ve recently removed my spine because it allows me to get along with more people,” said Weekly Ringer Editor-in-Chief Jess Kirby, a junior sociology and communication and digital studies double major. “I no longer have to think about what I want or need.”
Not only does having an opinion detriment the environment and your ability to be friends with everyone, but it also makes you think, which means that you have to educate yourself about which opinion to hold. I guess you could try other methods and be ignorant with an opinion, but I have heard that many people dislike those kinds of people even more than those who have educated opinions, so I suggest steering away from all opinions across the board since they only lead to trouble and hardship.
Many other people hate having opinions, and they are sure to stress on how much more difficult life is when you have an opinion.
“Honestly, originality is awful, horrific,” said Scotti Mullen, a junior economics major and news editor. “Nobody should have a single thought that someone else has had, ever. Why would you want to be different when you could actually be just like everyone else? I don’t see a value in that.”
In sum, the best way to be eco-friendly and also friends with everyone is to not have an opinion. It makes your life way easier to just be walked over by everyone, so choose to be un-opinionated for a better life.
This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition and is intended to be satirical in nature. All information or quotations are made up and not to be taken seriously.