The Weekly Ringer

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper

Top 5: Reasons For Class Cancellations

3 min read


1. Zombie Attack

These undead losers can make getting to class a pretty annoying inconvenience. First of all, you have to understand the potential consequences of venturing outside in the middle of a zombie attack. If anyone has seen “Dawn of the Dead,” not only do they comprehend these consequences, but they should also know that navigating your way through an area infested with zombies requires a great deal of skill and not losing your head. Literally. While for some students, this particular set of skills may come naturally, for others it can be a bit of a challenge. It is in the administration’s best interest to cancel class to avoid a high student mortality rate, until the zombies have been removed from campus walk.

2. Murderer Loose on Campus

Much like a zombie attack, a mass murderer loose on campus can really make getting to class a pretty dangerous task. Although less showy then a zombie attack, an escapee from prison is a pretty sure-fire way of getting class cancelled. Especially if this escapee is an actual murderer. Although a regular escaped criminal will probably do the job, an actual murderer has a 100 percent chance of class cancellation. Professors and students alike don’t want to risk going outside while a criminal is loose. Everyone will want to stay in either their houses or dorms until the murderer is apprehended.

3. Raining Men (or Cats and Dogs)

Some people (especially women) may shout “Hallelujah!” in this circumstance, but it does make getting to class a tricky job when fully grown men, and the occasional cat or dog, are falling from the sky. Excellent dodgeball skills will serve well in this type of weather, but in general it’s a pretty sure way of getting out of class. Not everyone at school is capable of the dodging, dipping, diving and ducking required to avoid a serious injury. Waiting until the weather has passed is the wisest decision in this circumstance.

4. Massive Tidal Wave

The Rappahannock River may seem like a relatively calm body of water, but it has been known to flood in the past. With enough rain, snow and other forms of precipitation, the river could rise high enough to cause a massive tidal wave, forcing students to stay in their perspective dorms. The journey to school would be pretty much impossible for professors, workers and the commuter students. The school would be forced to shut down for at least a week, until the water had receded and the damages had been repaired.

5. Blizzard

Although the chances of this type of weather phenomenon in Virginia are slim to none, it has been known to get classes cancelled a few times in the past. However, the conditions required for this type of weather, as in, not being 80 degrees in January, are so rare in Virginia that it is most likely this will not be happening anytime soon. And usually, even if we are blessed with weather cold enough for snowflakes to form, the chance of them actually sticking to the ground and not melting within twenty seconds is near impossible. It is probably the least likely way for classes to get canceled.