You’re killin’ me: a new column for the misanthropes of UMW

By TIERNEY McAFEE

Grey’s Anatomy Sucks

In the last four months, Grey’s Anatomy has undergone an operation that turned it from an entertaining, witty show into some of the worst crap on television.  Shonda Rhimes, please step away from the O.R. table.
Last week on Grey’s, the gang left good old Seattle Grace on a special mission. They arrived at the scene to find a giant ferry wreck and a bunch of bloody no-names I don’t care about lying around just waiting for ridiculously attractive doctors to come to their rescue.  A rare and catastrophic medical emergency on Grey’s Anatomy?  That only happens once…every other week!
Don’t believe me?  Just two weeks ago, the docs were all poisoned by a patient whose blood was toxic.  After half of the doctors collapsed on the floor, the other had to perform abdominal surgery in freaking astronaut suits and oxygen masks.  As everyone on the show and their mother would say eight times per episode, seriously!?  (One idea that could have made it work would be playing Britney Spears’ “Toxic” in the background for added flair).
Once an avid fan of the show, I was willing to overlook the improbable good looks of our favorite team of interns and even their highly unrealistic medical cases for the show’s sheer, unbeatable dramatic and comedic value.  But a line has to be drawn somewhere and I draw it at an entire group of medical professionals joining together to illegally pull someone’s plug and STEAL A HEART.  Hello? Are you people watching this with your eyes open?
I used to watch and enjoy Grey’s with my friends every Thursday.  Sometimes, I’ll still sit down and watch with them for a while, but only until the gang operates on Siamese twins who have individual sex lives and whose girlfriends cheat on them with one another.  I also like to tune in to the last five minutes of the show, which inevitably includes whatever lame song The Frey pulled out of their asses this week.  I take this time to laugh at my friends while they cry and to give a running commentary on why George’s dad should just die already.
Needless to say, my friends don’t enjoy my relentless criticisms of the show, but they are only getting defensive because deep down, they know it’s true. And so do you.  How can you miss the decline in clever, hilarious remarks from the now completely annoying Christina?  Patrick Dempsey’s hair does not make up for dull dialogue, inane plot lines and shameless ploys for a ratings boost.
Last week’s episode ended with a splash when Meredith fell in the water at Operation Ferry Wreck.  I guess we’re supposed to tune in next Thursday to see if the title character will drown and die.  Holy scalpel, the suspense is killing me.