The Weekly Ringer

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper

That's What She Said…

2 min read


The end of the world is coming…if you choose to believe J.J. Abrams or The History Channel.  And here’s the thing: I do.

Abrams is amazing (see “Lost” and “Alias”) and The History Channel has a pretty good track record of accurate reporting, Loch Ness Monster theories aside.  And both entities have recently produced works predicting our rapidly approaching demise.

Abrams’ new movie, “Cloverfield,” follows a group of young adults through one hair-raising night in New York City as a monster lays waste on the metropolis.

The History Channel is taking advantage of the buzz surrounding Abrams film by airing repeats of their doomsday special, “The End of the Earth,” which predicts comets and spontaneous gamma ray bursts putting an end to life as we know it.

And let’s not forget their “MonsterQuest” series where they predict when Sasquatch and Bigfoot will come out of hiding and devour us all.

Dozens of other pop culture staples and scientific geniuses concur that the world will definitely end one day.  What they can’t agree on is how.

Dissenting theories abound, ranging from the somewhat normal – like environmental disasters involving glaciers and/or tidal waves, to the freaky – murderous mutant babies devouring the entire human population before killing themselves.  Then there are the countless UFO speculations.

Personally, I’m a fan of the whole alien invasion thing, as long as they’re not hostile.  But if they weren’t, then the world probably wouldn’t be ending.  We would just mate with the extraterrestrials and form some sort of alternate super-race.

…which would actually be pretty cool, if you think about it.
Since so many people seem to believe that our days are numbered, I’ve decided to embrace the fact that I may never fulfill my life-long goal of meeting Regis Philbin.

But that’s a story for another column.

I can only think of one good thing that could come out of this impending Armageddon – getting out of school work.  Nothing says silver lining like no more homework ever again.

And if you’re one of the lucky one’s who knows when the end is coming, you know what not to waste your time on.  The world is goner on Thursday?  Don’t do that day’s poli-sci assignment.

Instead, skip class and watch the supernatural beings or massive oceanic wall bearing down on Fredericksburg from your bedroom window.

The end of the world will only happen once…why not make sure you have a good view?