Sexclamations: Corny Pick-up Lines Deserve Proper Respect

BY KJ ALDER

My friend and I were in an club in Paris. It had been a long night, seeing how we had to walk for over an hour in the freezing cold to get there because of the metro strikes. Both of us were exhausted by the first hour of dancing and decided to rest by the bar and get a cold libation in order to rejuvenate our dancing fever.

As we stood there talking and smiling, I noticed this guy nervously walking over to us. He had been goaded by his friends to come over and talk with my friend but had trouble mustering up the courage.

After a painful ten minutes of inching his way toward us, he finally put on his big boy pants, walked straight up to my friend and stammered out in a thick Italian accent, “YouhavebeautifuleyesandIthinkyoudancewellwouldyouliketodancewithmeormaybeIcouldgetyouandyourfriendadrink?” all in one breath. It was so cute and innocent that we hung out with him for the rest of the evening.

Of course such an unrehearsed line has much more potential that those other, less honest opening lines:

“You must be tired because you’ve been running through my head all night.”

“Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine…”

“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?”

“If you were a laser gun, I bet you would be set to stun.”

“Come here often?”

We’ve heard them all while laughing and rolling our eyes. We’ve all played the “who can say the worst pick up line” game. But are there actually pick up lines out there that work? Apparently, your best bet is to just walk up with confidence, say hi and introduce yourself. The smoke and mirrors only tell the object of desire that at some point, somewhere you heard or read that line, found it worthy enough to remember and even still use it. Not such a good first impression.

However there are a few lines that have been proven to be more effective than others. For instance, slightly inappropriate compliments like “nice ass” or “wow, are those real?” can stir a reaction, possibly a strong enough one to give you a chance to drive the conversation from your naughty bits to how you rescued an orphan from a burning building.

From my personal experience, however, I get the feeling that nine times out of 10, such pick up lines are red flags for people everywhere that he’s a horny jerk waiting to make the kill as soon as he roofies the drink he is about to order.

It is true that first impressions only come around once and whatever the intensions of the interested party, the best way to get across the message is through the pick up line: Dirty if you just want to fool around, sweet and sincere sounding if you are looking for a bit more (or are a tricky, insincere guy who just wants to fool around). Using eye contact and body language before attempting to approach is cool (buying the gal a drink is a nice touch), but if your line is incoherent or makes absolutely no sense, we know you’re just drunk and horny. (I once got “You must be an angle because your tits are awesome!”)
Whatever the case, the whole pick up process is a crapshoot and whoever is willing to go out there and use one has my full respect.

Putting yourself out there is hard and takes a lot of guts to do so.

But please, for the love of Zeus, if the receiving party has no interest, just walk away and try it with another. Eventually the pick up puzzle piece line will fit with someone somewhere.