The Weekly Ringer

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper

Top 5 Reasons to Grow a Beard

2 min read

By Landon James

Over half of the world knows that feeling you get around 5 p.m. after not shaving for a couple of days, it is what scholars have dubbed            “the beginning of the beard.”
Many debate over the practicality and stylishness of a beard, because let us be honest, not everyone can pull off a beard.
However, I have five persuasive and powerful reasons why you should consider starting this new year with beard.
1. Personal Comfort
Beards provide remarkable facial warmth in the harsh and crisp winter months. Ask anyone with a beard if they are warmer than you are and they will always say yes.  Besides, even an ugly beard is warm.
2. The Perfect Accessory
Beards are unisex.  Anyone can have one if they really want one.  Ladies, that includes you. Why should an entire sex be shunned from bearded pleasure while men freely enjoy the personal confidence and constant comfort of a hairy facial comrade? After all, the bearded lady has been a staple in traveling circuses and variety shows for centuries. Now that is warmth that endures.
3. Midnight Snack Storage
Beards are like Tupperware, you can save your food in them.  Without even thinking, as you eat, thousands of food particles are slowly collecting in your beard for a snack further down the road.  With a beard, the midnight run to the fridge is obsolete, for all you have to do is eat the clumped up pieces of food that have gathered in your beard over the course of the day.
4. Eco-Friendliness
Beards are safe for the environment and provide shelter for some of the smaller animals of the animal kingdom.
Beards have been commonly understood as ideal environments for nest-making but all ranges of birds from sparrows to bald eagles.  Growing a beard is a not only a service to yourself, but to the environment.
5. Imitate Your Idols
If you grow a beard you will be like Ryan Marr, Emile Hirsch stand-in in “Into the Wild” and everybody’s friend.
Sophomore Ryan Marr is one of the few individuals who has mastered the tactful and tasteful art of growing a beard at an early age.  Often during conversation, Ryan’s beard will finish sentences for him and it even looks over his e-mails.
Beards are burly, beautiful, bountiful, and benign and will not cause cancer, but these are only a few reasons why a beard is for you, me, and everyone.