Exhibitionists Go South

There are certain aspects of the Mary Washington campus that one grows accustomed to over time. You know that the squirrels will always be a little nuts and that when it rains, there will be fifty students on Campus Walk all wearing the same boots. You may rest comfortably in your knowledge that Annex A will still be there—empty—long after the rest of the school has fallen to ruins, and you can count on the fact that Apogee will remain universally terrible. There are, however, certain things you do not expect to see on our campus. One of these is an orgy.

Last Wednesday, a UMW student was walking along William Street, back to her dorm and heard noises coming from the clearing behind South Hall. The student, who wishes to remain anonymous, looked up the hill to the source of the sounds and witnessed four people engaging in various sexual acts. Seriously — two couples were having sex right next to one another.

What prompted our own Eagle exhibitionists? Why a Wednesday? Why South Hall? We’ll never know, but my best guess is that it’s just because they could. We are young and free and uninhibited, and if an outdoor orgy strikes your fancy, there is no better time than college to partake.

Other than the risks of a misdemeanor for public indecency, and, if this weather keeps up, the potential for frostbite, what could go wrong? At least you’re not risking expulsion.

There is nothing in our Student Code of Conduct prohibiting public sex on campus. I checked twice. So, according to UMW judicial policy, you’re good to go. Once you get your ménage à trois approved by the Student Activities and Engagement, you can even put up posters! What’s an orgy without a good turnout? If you’re feeling shy about your multiple-partner sexual encounters, but you don’t have the space in your dorm, there are other, slightly-more-private venues. I’d recommend reserving a room in Annex A—then at least someone will be using it.

With substantially fewer penalties than marijuana usage (even after the drug policy redesign), it leaves me wondering if it’s the university’s elaborate way of proclaiming “hugs, not drugs.” Don’t do weed, kids. Do each other. And then do some others. And do it all outside.