Sexclamations

By KJ ADLER

It always starts off innocently enough.

“Wow!” He will say. “You sure do have  a lot of piercings.”

“Why, yes.” I will respond, “Yes I do.”

“How many do you have?” he will ask.

“I have 18 piercings,” often adding, “15 in the ears” when I notice him dodging around both sides of my head to count.

This is the moment where it turns sour. Suddenly this guy who I thought was just trying to make casual conversation will grow a sly smirk on his face, as if he has suddenly learned something incredibly naughty about me.

“So that makes 17 on your face, eh?” He will inquire, an eyebrow, slightly raised. I will nod, preemptively heaving a large sigh for the next question that I know he will utter.

“So, uh, where exactly is the other one? Anywhere interesting?” He will ask before blatantly scanning me from head to toe, imagining all of the delicious possibilities a girl can produce with a needle and a small metal ring.

With a glazed look of annoyance, regretting that the conversation had even started, I always reply the same way: “No, I don’t have any metal in my vagina or breasts, if that is what you are asking,” and then proceed to stare him down until he feels fully uncomfortable.

I know that there are so many ways to handle that situation but I am sick of the situation even coming up. What if I did have a piercing down there? What gives him the right to ask about my naughty bits? Does a piece of genitalia that is pierced suddenly become public property? And if I said “yes” would that make me more attractive or more repulsive?

Rather than analyze all of these issues raised and go on a huge tangent that could potentially upset readers, I have decided to educate rather than exacerbate.

That tricky little ring that I have is on my belly button, not anywhere lower. But I did once consider getting one done.

While you can’t really show of what a rebel you are for having said piercing, in the bedroom the perks are pretty nice.

If a female decides to get a piercing, go for a vertical clitoral hood (VCH) piercing. You could stick it though the clitoris itself, but most girls don’t have a big enough one and there is a risk of losing stimulation. The VCH, however, is a piercing though tissues above the clitoris that stimulates it during sex.

Women have a pretty limited choice of options for piercing. Men, however, have a whole catalogue to go through.

Along with the classic Prince Albert (ring is inserted vertically through the urethra and out of the bottom of the glans), there are the “apradrayya”, the “dydoe”, the “frenum,” the “guiche,” and “hafada” piercings. Don’t believe me? Google it and be forewarned, you will see naughty bits.

Along with individual choices, there are also ways in which couples can get piercing that work together to create a whole new world of sexual play.

Now along with the good, there is obviously some bad. Along with the rare risk of sensation loss, there is also the issue of infection. Just like a normal piercing, if you don’t take care if it, you can get infected. You also have to wait for a few weeks before taking your piercing on a test drive with your partner, in order to allow the piercing to fully heal.

But the one major risk you must honestly be comfortable with come time of the needle making contact: will you be willing to be known as the girl or guy with the pierced genitalia?

Every time I come into the situation where people ask me about my piercings, I can immediately deconstruct any preconceived notion they may have about me and a genital piercing by telling them that I do in fact not have one.

For those of you who want one, know that you may be thought of differently or talked about as “that kid with the piercing.” It’s just something you will have to be comfortable with and willing to fess up about should you be confronted about it.

If all of this is just too much, then don’t bother. Even if your partner is pushing for one, it’s your body. Besides, there are alternatives to a piercing, like attachments or ridged condoms. A needle is not necessary to spice up the sex life.