BY TIERNEY McAFEE
In that awkward “getting to know you” stage, you can only go so many minutes before some misguided dope assaults you with the question, “So, what kind of music do you listen to?”
This inane inquiry, popular among college students, is the axe murderer of conversations. Nine times out of 10, you and your potential romance aren’t belting out the same ballads in the shower. Posing this question can only result in the following:
“So, Cindy, what kind of music do you like?”
“Um…I like Avril Lavigne. I have all of her CDs.”
You’re just getting to know this person, so unless they’re a total jerk, they won’t let you know that Avril makes them want to morph into an ostrich and bury their head in the dirt.
But you know, from your toes up to your questionable eardrums: you’ve been judged. Because the headphone-humping pests who ask this question invariably like bands you’ve never heard of before in your life. Because being “mainstream” is not cool.
The next time someone asks me what kind of music I listen to, I’m just going to make up band names.
“Yeahhh, I’m really into The Purple Stool Pigeons. They rock.” Or, “Have you heard the latest jam from Comatose Convertible for Butterface?” The more ridiculous the name, the more cool points you get.
This is a smashing alternative to avoidance answers such as “I like everything except country,” or “I like The Beatles,” which only make you look like a bigger ass than you really are. You do not “like everything,” and The Beatles are akin to pizza; everyone likes them.
I know you’re secretly willing your crush to proclaim “I love bluegrass,” so you can reply, “Oh my God, I love bluegrass too! Oh my God, we’re soul mates!”
Let’s get a little more creative, people. Last weekend, for example, a guy came up to me in a bar and asked me what my favorite board game is. I gave him 10 cool points.