The Weekly Ringer

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper

Grey Areas Between Sexual Preference and Harmful Acts Unclear

4 min read


Damian: Humor aside, why is there all the hate for furries? Some people like cuffs, ropes, and ball-gags (bondage), and some people like cat ears, tails, and piles of people dressed as animals, all touching each other.

Hunter: The hate seems misplaced, especially when there are far more hurtful fetishes out there. There are people out there who have fetishes where they watch women crush kittens’ heads under their feet, and there are psychologically harmful ones such as child pornography.

The problem is that we feel a need to judge what sexual behaviors we consider to be okay. Too many people, I think, judge based on what they would or wouldn’t do. If they wouldn’t consider it, then it must be aberrant and wrong. Sixty years ago, two men having sex would be totally wrong; 120 years ago, it would be criminal. How can we separate what is okay from what isn’t?

It seems to me that if it is between two consenting adults, it should be okay. Who are we to judge? People tend to like sex, and sex is just sex. It is just the style that is different. After all, you don’t have to see it, you don’t have to like it personally. But don’t hate on it just because it’s different. Now, not all fetishes and preferences are morally acceptable and I would say it’s those which are not between two consenting individuals.

That sounds good, and deals pretty well with the obvious cases. That makes gays, furries, and not-looking-at-each-other-missionary-only okay, but I think we need to tighten up the definition a little. I would say among “consenting adults” because I don’t think you can make a moral case against threesomes.

But that still leaves us with some gray areas. Things like Big Beautiful Women (BBW), threesomes, orgies, fetishes about items of clothing, etc. BBW need their love too, but say that the man/woman is so into the idea that he/she encourages unhealthy behavior in his/her partner. Threesomes and orgies sound great, but they can lead to involved parties caring more about the sex than the people participating. And clothing fetishes make you wonder if they care more about the other person or if it is the item of clothing that is really driving the practice.

I can understand how people could be opposed to some of those. Some folks who fetishize stockings, for example. I’m not talking about enjoying ladies in stockings and garters, but folks who only get off on the texture of legs in stockings. I know I would feel a little left out if my partner was more interested in my socks than in me.

It seems that threesomes or orgies, when entered as a couple, adds yet another person or persons to the relationship. It could be fun, but could add a lot of stress between the original two partners. One could become more attracted to the third person and find themselves spending more time together and hurting a healthy relationship thus creating problems and possibly hurting all parties involved. I wouldn’t want to be left by my partner for someone we added later on.

Indeed. That brings up another issue entirely. If one can forge a happy relationship between three people, is that okay? The fears you raise certainly make this seem difficult. But I don’t think that a threesome is wrong, only emotionally dangerous.

Agreed. Now dangerous, or the possibility of danger, would be a warning I would also add to BBW. What happens when the woman wants to changer and be a healthier person? Now if her partner isn’t truly interested in her but the fact that she is big, will her partner support her, leave her, or try to sabotage her efforts to lose weight?

We can’t condemn everyone who has a large significant other, however. As with threesomes, it is important that everyone involved cares about each other. So if you’re more interested in your partner’s size than their health or feelings, you aren’t doing it right.

Also, by being an outsider, you don’t know these specifics and shouldn’t judge the people in the relationship, even if they are friends of yours. These preferences, although different, are essentially the same while focusing on different aspects. So before you hate, take a step back and think about it in a different way and not from your perspective. Obviously they like it, if you don’t like it, don’t do it, and don’t judge.

What it comes down to is that as long as everyone involved consents, it is morally okay, but just because it is okay does not mean it is emotionally beneficial.