Single White Unemployed Female: For Graduating Seniors, These Won't Be Missed

Last week, I was sentimental and wrote about what I’d miss the most at Mary Wash. I promised to follow it with what I wasn’t going to miss, and, of course, I have delivered. Though there are fewer things I won’t miss than those I will miss, I think it’s important to note a few aspects of Mary Washington that won’t merit a tearful goodbye.

The food. First of all, freshmen can’t complain. It’s way better than it used to be. Though the employees are really friendly, I can’t say I’ll miss overcooked vegetables.

I also won’t miss having to tolerate Diet Pepsi. As a Diet Coke addict, much of my money these four years has gone towards getting my daily fix, and for those of you that believe the two taste the same, you must not have taste buds.

Lack of school spirit. Okay, so I certainly haven’t made an effort to go to sporting events the last four years, but the few I have attended involve a handful of intense fans, while the rest of the crowd watches with a few sporadic outbursts.

I came from a high school where the cops attended nearly every basketball game due to intense rivalries that resulted in cussing, obscene gestures and occasional fights. Going to a Division III liberal arts school, I should’ve expected this, but it’s a little sad that the only college sports I ever anticipated were those for other schools.

Failing 3 a.m. fire drills because the idiot a floor above you couldn’t hear the high-pitched screeching alarm right outside their room. You’ve been freezing for almost half an hour, the fire marshal for your building comes out, and you hope that it’s good news.

You then find out that unfortunately, you didn’t pass the drill that woke you up from a much-needed night of sleep, and the one kid who exited the building 20 minutes after everyone else (a key thing to know, freshmen, if you want to have a name to give the “damn person who didn’t wake up”) is responsible for you and over a hundred other people having to repeat it the next night.

Paying for someone else’s stupidity. I understand why these fines are communal, and they often only ended up costing a few dollars, but why should I have to suffer the consequences? It’s not my fault some kid at 18 was never taught how to properly operate a microwave or didn’t realize that after one too many shots of Aristocrat they become the Hulk and destroy everything in their path.

And finally…

Never being able to get a “Devil-Goat Day” t-shirt! Even volunteers sometimes don’t get them! Though I’m not thrilled about being a Goat, and don’t know how it was decided that Devils and Goats would symbolize odd and even class years, it would be nice to have something to remember this tradition by. And if I get one this year, I’ll consider my college t-shirt collection complete (coughcoughClassCouncilSaveMeOneMySizeisMediumcoughcough).