Not surprisingly, I talk about sex with my friends.
Often, the subject of sex is narrowed to sexual fantasies. After all, many young women are curious about all things related to sex.
They want to know if other people share the same feelings and ideas on sex. Many wonder if their fantasies are normal.
Many people assume that girls’ fantasies mirror a chick flick or a romance movie, full of sweet innocence and rose petals. To them, girls are not expected or even allowed to dream of raunchy, forceful play.
Like many facets of our lives, we are expected to fulfill certain gender roles. Sex is no different.
Perhaps this norm makes crossing the line stimulating. From discussions with my fellow females, I have learned that quite a few women enjoy fantasizing about completely submitting to another person in the confines of their fantasies.
Countless times, women have apprehensively told me that they fantasize forceful situations of rough yet pleasant play, where one partner totally dominates.
These fantasies are neither weird nor abnormal. This is not to say that women only want forceful sex. In fact, many women like the idea of various types of sex, whether it is romantic or forceful.
A woman that fantasizes about another person overpowering her does not mean she actually desires to be raped. It is possible that she only wishes to be overpowered in her fantasies, because she can completely control the way in which she is dominated in her fantasy.
The concept of women fantasizing about forceful, exploitive sexual situations is the topic of a sizable portion of sexual psychological research.
Researchers have investigated what leads certain women to have these fantasies. By certain women, I mean about half of the women surveyed in the Pelletier and Herold study, “The Relationship of Age, Sex Guilt, and Sexual Experience with Female Sexual Fantasies.”
In other words, forced sex fantasies are not uncommon.
Shulman and Horne examined the influences of childhood sexual abuse, feminist beliefs, sexual guilt, erotophilia, and sexual experience on sexual fantasies of force in a 2006 study, titled, “Guilty or Not? A Path Model of Women’s Sexual Force Fantasies.”
The most common, overarching finding regarding sexual fantasies is that women who have intercourse or masturbate more frequently have many more fantasies than other women.
Similarly, Pelletier and Herold’s research suggests, “as women have more sexual experiences their diversity of fantasies, including forced sex fantasies, increases.”
Perhaps you are not convinced that forced sex fantasies are normal or you simply do not find them appealing.
Either way, research shows that a greater frequency of sexual fantasies correlates with greater sexual satisfaction.
In other words, indulge yourself.
The varieties of fantasies are endless. Each type invokes different emotions and pleasures. Try them all. See and feel what works for you.
Don’t be embarrassed by what makes you feel tingly and euphoric. Savor the sensations and know that you’re probably not the only one who feels that way about a certain fantasy.