The Weekly Ringer

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper

Sexclamations: Crotch Adjustment Is Private Business

2 min read

Women go to great lengths not to touch themselves in public, especially in any region around the genitals or breasts. Beyond brushing our hands through our hair, we make sure not to disturb any other part of the body even if an area is itching or uncomfortable. Just as we make efforts to conceal our feminine products, we seek private areas to adjust ourselves.

Women, if you feel a wedgie coming on—tough luck. Like it or lump it, you will have to wait until your reach the nearest restroom or private place to fix it. If someone catches your hand wandering down to your butt crack, you will certainly gain some nasty looks.

When you finally find a place to adjust your panties, you might want to scratch that pesky itch between your boob and armpit since it is not lady like to do so in public. Once you have finished all of your private primping, it is likely that you will return to class to find a male peer adjusting and scratching his crotch. Not only is he doing something you went to exceedingly great lengths to avoid, almost nobody seems to notice or care. If anything, it enhances his masculinity.

Normally, I would support a liberal approach and advocate that women defy these social norms and rise against them by scratching, pulling and adjusting all parts of their body any time they want. In this case, however, I don’t think being crude will benefit anybody, nor will it make the world a better place. Moreover, scratching one’s genitals does nothing to improve a person’s masculinity or femininity. If anything, it is totally awkward.

Guys and gals, if you need to adjust yourself or scratch yourself in an awkward location, do so discreetly or find the nearest restroom or empty hallway. Guys, if your genital itch is so frequent and severe that you feel the need to sprawl your legs wide open and furiously scratch your junk, you should probably seek medical attention.

Otherwise, sit like a normal person and at least try to adjust yourself inconspicuously.

Sometimes vaginas itch too, but women don’t spread their legs and go for the crotch grab. We would appreciate it if guys showed the same respect for the people around them. Besides upholding personal dignity, avoiding crotch adjustments simply makes life a lot less awkward.